My attempt to wear my heart on my sleave.

The other night we Hope and I were coming home from hanging out with some friends. I don't know how to begin. You could tell that the people we hung out with have been friends sense they were little kids. They were talking about their siblings and crazy things they have done to each other. To say the very least it hurts. It hurts every time I am around that. That sounds so selfish. I guess its because we have never had that. Our family has had to say good-bye to the people we love too early. We have had to say good-bye to friends and there is only the smallest chance we will ever see them again. I think what hurts the most is not knowing if they care. When I told my friends I was moving, there didn't seem to be a reaction. That killed me. That was the place that I was born in one way (Dec. 9, 2004) and I grew up in almost every way. I guess I kind of felt stabbed in the back. I told Hope I don't know why I care so much if they remember me. She talked to me and this is what I learned: A person needs to know they made an impact. Its not about narcissism like wanting a kid a hundred years from now to know your name, but its about wanting the people you care about to know how much of an impact they had on you. Because if you truly love someone, you want them to know how much that meant to you. You want them to know how much you loved them back. To leave someplace no one remember, means what you did and that time you spent with them was wasted. Life's too short to waste time. It kills me not to know if they remember me sometimes. I'll be on FB and I'll look at the pictures they put up and all I want to say is I should be there. I think I am starting to go through the pain of leaving. When we left Jonesboro I was just starting to go through the pain of leaving Tuckerman. I don't know what to write. Right now it feels like, I guess, I'm growing up. :/ Ugh, Peter Pan where are you??? Haha. Thanks Hopie :)

KCCT

What does that even stand for KCCT? I find the testing a little ridiculous. Do we really need ANOTHER test to tell us how dumb/smart we are? At least there are some advantages to testing week. After testing we watched part of SWING KIDS and now in study hall we are watching TOY STORY. I can't wait till the 3rd comes out. Eli was talking about the fact that in the theater there are probably going to be just as many if not more older kids there then younger kids. Disney has always been able to make really good movies. I hope that never changes.

Good-byes

I hate saying good bye. What does that even mean "good bye"? It sounds like you are saying "good... now leave". Eli left back for Louisville. He had a week off and now he goes back to an internship. Its his last one. Hope's birthday was yesterday. Everyone is getting so old! Eli is 21 now, Hope is 19. I was talking to my mom about how we are no longer a "young" family. I remember going to other people's houses and they talked about their children in college and I thought that was so weird, but now that's us. Next year is my final year here. That just sounds so bizarre. I miss not having them around. I really get in their faces when they are home, but when they leave it seems so empty. I think dad is really missing them. Last Sunday Eli and I were sitting in a pew and dad came up to us and asked where Hope was and she had went back to Bowling Green already and it was completely strange. I think everything is starting to hit him. Everything is changing.

Banquet

I am extremely excited for banquet. Lesley and Maddi are going to be there, so hopefully it will be fun. Lesley keeps texting me about these people who are going. It kinda gets annoying, because I have know idea who they are, yet she keeps telling me. Bradley suggested I dance with Bert (the dragon). lol I shot that down pretty quickly. Then he said Bert and I should perform something. Somehow a circus got involved. Mom finish making the dress.

10 things I like about myself

This is going to be hard. How do you do this without sounding narcissistic?
1. my eyes
2. my hair (sometimes)
3. being observant
4. my weird sense of humor
5. my ability to make friends (not refined yet)
6. the resemblance between my dad and I (personality wise)
7. my artistic ability (from my mommy)
8. my patients
9. being a night person
10. my cooking ability

Papaw

I love ice cream. When I was really small my family lived with my grandparents. One of my first memories is coming home from church and my papaw taking out some ice cream and dishing it out for me and some of my other family. It was one of the only times we really sat next to each other. That sounds weird but usually me and the cousins would sit on the bar or down stairs and the adults would sit at the table. It was always nice to share a bowl with him. I wouldn't see him a lot. He always worked in his garden. In the mornings he would wake up with the sun and feed the cows and the horse and go to his vegetable garden. Around 5 he would come in and grandma would have a feast fit for an army ready for him and the grandsons. Sometime around 7 he would go to sleep and start the whole process again. He loved to sing. In the living room while us granddaughters watched TV he would come in and start singing hymes. He was an amazing man. He worked for over half of his life and retired to a farm. He was a devoted to God. Every Sunday and Wednesday he was there. When ever the doors were open, he was there. We weren't very close, but I do miss him.

Eli

So in Jonesboro there was a girl that went to the same congregation as us. She was Eli's age and were pretty good friends. I kind of expected them to start dating or something, but it never happened. Then Eli came back for his Spring Break and was constantly getting texts. On the first Saturday he was there he went upstairs and talked on his phone for about 4 hours. DURING A KENTUCKY BASKETBALL GAME AT THAT!!! It was so weird! Then he just kept texting. So I was near him and I saw something from the girl from Jonesboro. Monday Mom and E were working on our lawn and she started to tease him b/c he was just stopping and texting and then would start to work again and would repeat the process every 10 seconds or so. Finally I told her who I thought it was and she told me he might be talking to two different girls!! I have come to the conclusion that my brother is living a double life. The annoying part about all of this is that he keeps telling me how unobservant I am!!! I feel like telling him what I know, but he would probably kill me. I keep telling him I know more that what he thinks, but he doesn't believe me. Oy, Older brothers. They think they know everything. What they don't know is the last child does. lol jk

Poor Hopie

So Hopie has had the worst possible time with her car this year. For some unknown reason someone stole her driver sideview mirror. It was completely gone. So someone had to take the time to take it off. We were wondering who in the world would possibly do that to Hopie? Anyway, she came back to Owensboro and Dad and her got it fixed. Then when she came back for Spring Break her car started to sound weird and they took it into the garage to get fixed. A few days later she got it back. Then on Thursday, someone at BB&T ran into her and broke her left light. SO she took it into the garage and took Eli's truck back to Bowling Green at the end of the week. We expected to get the car back sometime on Monday or Tuesday. Dad gets a call asking if they were supposed to fix the light. I think Dad started lose confidence in them at that point. After saying yes on Thursday they call Dad back and said they ordered the wrong part. SO on Saturday we meet up at Morgantown and Hope gave Eli back his truck so he could go back to Louisville and then we had to drive Hope to Bowling Green. When we got near Morgantown again Mom got a text from Hope saying she dropped her keys down the elevator shack. I felt so bad for her, but I could not help but to laugh. That is Hopie though.

Ready

I am so ready for Spring Break right now. It seems like for the past few weeks most every teacher is trying to cram everything they can into our brains. I am starting to not like the snow days so much. Of course next year I will be begging for the snow days. I really don't have very many plans. I am supposed to go to Evansville on Friday with my mom. Saturday I am going to babysit for a few hours and then go to the Church building and help the parents try to landscape the lawn. Then I am going to be going back to Evansville the 9th to go rock climbing with some friends at an indoor place. I am sooo excited about doing that. I have never been rock climbing, but I have gone repelling and it was amazing. Hopefully it will be good preparation for camp this year. They are actually offering rock climbing for an activity. It's going to be weird going to camp without Hope. I am hoping it will be a good experience.

Weekend

So my weekend was pretty good. I didn't do very much. Eli was home. This past week was his Spring Break. Saturday we went to Morgantown we meet up with Hope. Eli got his truck back and left for Louisville. We had to drive Hope back to Bowling Green. We got back just in time for me to relax for a few minutes and get ready to go again. I went to a Bible Study with some friends of mine. We ate and then did a lesson. After that we played Capture the Flag. It was so much fun. Maddi lost her necklace though. We are planning to go to Evansville and go rock climbing. I have never been before so I'm a little nervous. Sometime in July we are supposed to camping.

Driving

When I first got my permit I think my parents expected me to know and understand more about the car, than what I did. I already knew to be careful with the break and gas. Eli, when he first began to drive, would pull out at a stop sign and try to and make a perfect 90 degree turn. Mom and Dad would be screaming for him to not stop and it was scary lol. Hope was just a little break happy. I have kinda been inbetween the two of them. I'm not the best driver, but still. It's annoying when all of us get into the car. Dad and Mom are "advising" me on what to do and for some reason E and Hope feel as if they need to get in on the bossing around thing and they'll start to yell too. They have gotten better, but when they did, it was horrible. I would have 4 people yelling at me to turn or to go straight. It has been kind of nice not to have them around while I'm still learning to drive.

Driving

My dad took me out driving when I was about 12 or 13. We were living in Arkansas during this time. The law there was when we turned 14 we could get our permit. At 15 you could either get a Hardship meaning we could drive without a parent to school and work, or we could continue with the permit. At 16 we could officially get our license. Hope was about to get her's so dad thought he would take us out to a field near my grandma's house. I had seen Eli learning to drive and was seeing Hope learn so I thought I would be somewhat prepared. I got into my grandpa's old truck and I was amazed how the seat swallowed me. I was really short so I had to drag the seat closer to the wheel and petals. I drove a little and was extremely excited. At some point my dad told me to back up, so I tried. I was barely able to see the back end of the truck, so after a second or two my dad started to tell me to slow down. I thought I had more room so I kept going and my dad started to scream, "STOP! STOP! STOP!!". I got really mad and dad wasn't so happy and he told me the next time he says stop, stop. My dad decided to give me a second chance so we did our little routine again and drove a little and dad again decided to have me back up. This time when he said stop I just slammed on my breaks. Both of us flung forward a little and slammed back into the seats. Fortunately my dad just stared for a second or two at me and decided to laugh.

Yawn... I am tired. I haven't been sleeping very well lately. My throat is hurting and I keep coughing. I would like to travel sometime. I want to go to Greece there is so much history there and it just seems like it would be amazing. When I get older I want a job that would allow me to travel. I was thinking of maybe being a flight attendant. Maybe do that for a few years until I want to settle down. I don't know though. I have never been on an airplane before. I want to go to Miama sometime. Some family lives down there. I don't know my mom's family too well. I can't wait for the next Olympics. Right now I am looking up the National Anthem for some of the other countries. I wonder what it is like in these countries after the Olympics ends. Like what does Vancover do now? I mean they just spent 4 years preparing for the Olympics... now what?hrrmm...

Olympics

OK so I officially love the Olympics. lol I didn't get to see the opening ceremonies this year :(. I was too busy babysitting. Its amazing how the countries come together and compete. I mean how many times does that happen??? OK well every 4 years, but still its pretty cool. One of the moms of the children I was babysitting was trying to explain it to her daughter, but Carlie didn't get it. I keep hoping Jamaica will have another bobsled team. Oh well. I find it funny how for just 2 weeks everyone is watching curling lol. My dad actually seemed to understand the game. At first I didn't know whether to be oddly impressed or to be afraid for his mental state. I think I went with oddly impressed. haha Ohh...!! I got to see hockey and actually watched some of a game. It was amazing how intense it got.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

1. To get to the other side
2. To get the mail
3. Because he wanted to
4. Because Colonel Sanders was getting too close
5. To get away from the dog that was chasing him

Ways to say "no" without saying "no"

1. He (Bulgarian)
2. Ne (Czech)
3. Nej (Danish)
4. Nee (Dutch)
5. Thanks but...
6. Sorry can't
7. My parents won't let me
8. Sorry I have to work on homework
9. I can't
10. I don't have enough time
11. Some one else just asked
12. I don't think I can
13. Maybe some other time
14. Lets just be friends
15. I am way too busy
16. Past my bed time

WikiAnswers:
1. Forget about it
2. Not on your life
3. Not in a month of Sundays
4. Over my dead body
5. Uh-huh
6. I refuse
7. That won't happen
8. Not on your nelle
9. Oh, yeah, right

Excusses for getting out of something you don't want to do

1. My head hurts :(
2. Its a snow day. Hehe
3. (the classic) I don't want to
4. I'm too tired
5. I think I'm coming down with something
6. The due date is in two weeks... I have plenty of time to do it
7. I have something else planned that day
8. I wasn't there one of the days we worked on the project
9. My uncle's, friend's, cousin's, step-dad's pet died and I need to be there for my uncle
10. I just don't have time
11. I have a life too
12. I had other homework
13. Some friends were staying at my house last week and their baby was keeping me up

I found some of these on bored.com
The reason I was late was because I got in a fit with a kid who said you aren't the best teacher in world
Ask the teacher if she would punish someone for something they didn't do

Snow Days

So we have had 8 snow days so far. I am kinda getting to the point where I really don't want to miss any more school. Pretty soon I am going to get bored and I don't want to hit that point lol. I don't mind the snow very much. Its beautiful to look at. It seems like it shows the world in a whole new way. Everything is white. In litterateur white is the symbol of innocence. Everything looks pure and good. People are getting out and having fun. Although after the snow is around for a while it turns brown and corrupted. Much like people. It loses its beauty and people begin to complain. We leave tracks in the snow moving from one place to another. Its kinda how A Tale of Two Cities explains it. The are footsteps of those who walk in and out of our lives. Sunday I was walking to the van and I was so amazed to see the snow flakes sticking to each of us and they didn't melt. I was so excited. I never understood how scientists could say that no snowflake is ever the same, but I don't know. It makes sense now.

THE BIRDS

I am tired. Tomorrow is a one-hour delay. Hopefully it will be moved to a two-hour delay and maybe no school!! haha I am watching THE BIRDS by Alfred Hitchcock. Its a weird story. I would be freaking out if birds were attacking everyone. It's weird that he never finishes the story. It just ends with them driving off with a field of birds on each side. I hate how it doesn't tell why birds like that. I think in the 8th grade, our teacher had us read the short story THE BIRDS. That one was even stranger. The main characters lived near a bay and the birds rode up to the shore on the waves. When they got there they started attacking only at night, then they attacked people. Progressively they became sensitive to everything and just kept attacking. The last scene was the family barricaded in their house listening to the radio, with the sound of the birds trying their best to break through the house, and the newscaster is saying birds all over the country are being unusually hostile and the government thought the cause was bad algae. The government was trying to help and destroy the birds, but they were not making any progress. After they announcer went off the family were just listening to the birds trying to get in. I assumed they died. Strange ending.

We continued...

I don't want very many people reading this one.

When we are apart... our subdued personalities, our traits we were not able to use together, burst out. Eli goes from someone whi is the protector, someone who is rigid and a geek (lol), to someone who is kind and out going. I have never been able to see him like this. I only get glimpses into his world. Hope changes and becomes someone who is confident, self reliant, and outgoing. She is an amazing artis and that usually doesn't allow herself to believe me when I say so.
Mom says I am a philosopher. I am also the one that will do small things for someone else. I like to please people. Hope called me an old soul once. For some reason I like that lol. Payton the other day called me innocent. I don't think I know who I am just yet.
Dad always describes us as this: If someone ever asked us three to teach about a nuclear weapon in our own style... Eli would be very mechanical. He would draw upon history sources and research everything pertaining to the projected destruction, the radius of its impact. Hope would take a look at all of the ingredients. She would have people draw the bomb. Take a look at the color. The shadding. And with me I would drop what ever they are teaching and just say "forget this" and actually set if off.

Friday Night

Friday night my parents and I were at some friend's house. We were talking when my dad looked outside there was a layer of snow already on the ground. So he went out and started the car to leave. We were just inside the Henderson Co. line. We started to go home and it was amazing out there!! The snow was blasting and it was so thick! I haven't seen snow act so firce before. When I looked at the fields surrounding us it was like there was a heave layer of fog that fell into place around us, but when I looked harder it was just the snow. I was describing it to Hope and she asked if it was like a snowglobe and I realized that was exactly what it was!!! It was amazing to see the snow refecting the streetlamp light. I was in awe. When we got home I gathered my mom's camera lens and I just walked around for a little bit taking pictures. The snow that I have seen has usually been a graceful fall to the ground, but this was so different than what I had seen before!!

Winter

Willingly, I am writing this, but cause its sounds challenging. Winter is one of the best seasons. Wonder fills my mind as I walk on the crunching snow. While I walk, I see the majesty of the Winter Wonderland around me. Where did this world come from? What was once a brown prickly field of grass, is now a field of incandescent light reflecting off of snow and ice. When asleep in our beds unknowingly Jack Frost sneaks past our windows. Wind and snow follow at his wake. We finally wake up to hear, "NO SCHOOL TODAY!!". Woeful are the parents and workers, but today belongs to us students! We grab our sleds and rush to the nearest hill. Watchfully our parents stand aside, fearful of how fast we go down. We savour each passing hour, with cocoa in our hands, thinking about what we would be doing in class and smirking. What could be better than this?

21 things to do before 21

1. Go on an adventure with Patrick
2. Paint a master piece
3. Go sailing for the first time
4. Travel around the U.S. with best friends
5. Waitress
6. Just start driving without any idea of where I am going and stay where I end up until I feel like coming back
7. Come back changed in someway
8. Share the places I have lived with someone I love
9. Change some one's life for the good
10. Watch a sunrise and sunset on a beach
11. Kiss some guy I love in the rain
12. Go cannoing
13. Do something spontaneous and somewhat irresponsible
14. Sneak out of my house
15. Learn how to play the piano and guitar
16. Learn to love myself =)
17. Have the feeling of being small
18. Learn to speak Spanish and Greek
19. Leave a letter in a library book for someone to find
20. Lie in a grassy field and watch the clouds go bye
21. Live

Weekend

I had a really great weekend this past week. About the 2 Saturday of the month some teens get together for a Bible Study. It's really fun. This weekend was the Saturday. It was unusual because in the morning we had to go to a modesty study at my congregation and that was really enlightening. After that one of my friends came home with us and that night we went to the study. When we got done with the study everyone kinda went their own way. Some of us played Wii and others played ping-pong. When I left there it made coming back to school a little more bearable. Sunday night Lesley texted me asking if we were doing anything that night and after church and everything we had to do, we meet up with the people we do the study with. We played Wii again for a little while. I BOWLED A 205!! I was sooo happy lol. I beet Hope and Andrew haha.I'm at that place where I have know idea what to write again. I'm having a bad day. I was walking home and my umbrella flipped on me. :( I didn't do so well on three tests :( ugh!!

Bad Ideas

I know I have had some really bad ideas. Putting my wet hand in the light socket was probably one of my worst. No I am not joking... HEY!! For my defence I was only like 4 or 5. Most of the time I do have bad ideas. Procrastinating is one of them. Thus me sitting here January 31, finishing my blogs. Also having a lot of raw brownie mix until I started to feel really bad... I could not stand the smell of brownies cooking for about a year after. lol If you think about it most people have really bad ideas, but when they get one good one, everyone idealizes them. One of my cousins says that you have to bear with her through all the bad ones before she gets a really good one. Thats everyone though. One bad idea is believing everything your "friends" say. I had some "friends" who said that someone was talking about me behind my back on the bus when I wasn't there. I asked this person about it and she denied it. Because of past events I believed her instead of me supposed "friends".

2009 and Hopes for 2010

During this past year, I have turned 16. I have gotten my permit. My sister graduated. I went to camp. Eli came home and then left back for school. Then Hope left for WKU. Then they came back. Then left again. lol My year has been kind of boring. It has been sad to see myself an only child, but I have realized that has had some advantages. I guess right now I'm just living life one day at a time.



I'm on the pursuit of happiness

I know everything that is shinin'

Ain't always goin' to be gold



Hey, I'll be fine

Once I get it

I'll be good

~Kid Cudi

Hopefully I will get my listens. Oh!! By they way... Yesterday (Jan. 13th) I turned 17!!!!!! When I think about it... thats not a bad way to begin a new year :)

Philosopher

Hope gallantly held her head up and exclaimed, "I AM A PHILOSOPHER!!" Not seconds later a smile that had spread across her face slowly vanished. Her head started to bow as under her breathe I could hear her make the soft sound "fu... fu... fu...". Her face became disgruntled and confused. "Fu... fu... what is that word?!?! I just said it... what is it?!?!", she finally asked. I was practically falling out of my chair. A wave of giggles struck me as she asked these questions. I knew what she was trying to say, but I was too focused on not hyperventilating that I was not able to relieve her of confusion. A smile crept up Eli's face and you could hear the mischief in his voice as he asked, "Do you mean philosopher?" Hope's entire face lit up as she triumphantly screamed, "YES!! THAT'S THE WORD!"

Based on true events. :D

We

I really don't want very many people reading this one. :/

Tonight for some reason I am thinking upon many things. Mom calls me her philosopher. I like to think on things, moments, people, words, etc. I like to ponder them and critic them. I started to think about my brother and sister. We are unlike any other siblings that I know. Each time we have moved we have been forced into a situation where we know no one. All our friends are left behind. People whom we have grown to love and appreciate are know longer there to support us. Instead of reaching out to other people, we seemed to draw inward. I mean we came to each other for our missing friendship. We have laughed together. We have been heartbroken together. Notice that I have always said we. For the longest time we have been known as "the kids". The preachers kids. Dennis and Regena's kids. Until Eli when to college, we functioned together. Until then I had never been away from them for more then 2 weeks at a time. I know that doesn't seem like much, but each time we got back together we seemed to function as one again. That is how it is now. When together we are different. Eli is funny and entertaining, while also being protective and rigid. Hope is his accomplice in crime. She feeds his jokes and together they are able to create fantastic stories. I am the one being protected. I am the one usually trying to brake into their friendship and be apart of their bond, but I am only able to sit back and laugh at what they do. We have often gone to places to visit friends of my parents whom they have not seen in years. There are times when we are placed alone and separate from them and other times we are placed beside people we don't know and who don't seem to care to know us. Instead of being sad and bored, Eli and Hope were able to burst into life. They have been able to take the small events of a day, and turn it into a tale of stupidity and humor, while I sat appreciating what seemed to be a work of art. They have taken a simple story and turn it into an epic event that we still laugh about today. When we are confident we are confident in numbers. We have each other's back. If we are placed in a situation where we are not being payed attention to, when know one seems to want to get to know us, we seem to draw from the fact that we are together. That is where our confidence lies.