My attempt to wear my heart on my sleave.

The other night we Hope and I were coming home from hanging out with some friends. I don't know how to begin. You could tell that the people we hung out with have been friends sense they were little kids. They were talking about their siblings and crazy things they have done to each other. To say the very least it hurts. It hurts every time I am around that. That sounds so selfish. I guess its because we have never had that. Our family has had to say good-bye to the people we love too early. We have had to say good-bye to friends and there is only the smallest chance we will ever see them again. I think what hurts the most is not knowing if they care. When I told my friends I was moving, there didn't seem to be a reaction. That killed me. That was the place that I was born in one way (Dec. 9, 2004) and I grew up in almost every way. I guess I kind of felt stabbed in the back. I told Hope I don't know why I care so much if they remember me. She talked to me and this is what I learned: A person needs to know they made an impact. Its not about narcissism like wanting a kid a hundred years from now to know your name, but its about wanting the people you care about to know how much of an impact they had on you. Because if you truly love someone, you want them to know how much that meant to you. You want them to know how much you loved them back. To leave someplace no one remember, means what you did and that time you spent with them was wasted. Life's too short to waste time. It kills me not to know if they remember me sometimes. I'll be on FB and I'll look at the pictures they put up and all I want to say is I should be there. I think I am starting to go through the pain of leaving. When we left Jonesboro I was just starting to go through the pain of leaving Tuckerman. I don't know what to write. Right now it feels like, I guess, I'm growing up. :/ Ugh, Peter Pan where are you??? Haha. Thanks Hopie :)

KCCT

What does that even stand for KCCT? I find the testing a little ridiculous. Do we really need ANOTHER test to tell us how dumb/smart we are? At least there are some advantages to testing week. After testing we watched part of SWING KIDS and now in study hall we are watching TOY STORY. I can't wait till the 3rd comes out. Eli was talking about the fact that in the theater there are probably going to be just as many if not more older kids there then younger kids. Disney has always been able to make really good movies. I hope that never changes.

Good-byes

I hate saying good bye. What does that even mean "good bye"? It sounds like you are saying "good... now leave". Eli left back for Louisville. He had a week off and now he goes back to an internship. Its his last one. Hope's birthday was yesterday. Everyone is getting so old! Eli is 21 now, Hope is 19. I was talking to my mom about how we are no longer a "young" family. I remember going to other people's houses and they talked about their children in college and I thought that was so weird, but now that's us. Next year is my final year here. That just sounds so bizarre. I miss not having them around. I really get in their faces when they are home, but when they leave it seems so empty. I think dad is really missing them. Last Sunday Eli and I were sitting in a pew and dad came up to us and asked where Hope was and she had went back to Bowling Green already and it was completely strange. I think everything is starting to hit him. Everything is changing.

Banquet

I am extremely excited for banquet. Lesley and Maddi are going to be there, so hopefully it will be fun. Lesley keeps texting me about these people who are going. It kinda gets annoying, because I have know idea who they are, yet she keeps telling me. Bradley suggested I dance with Bert (the dragon). lol I shot that down pretty quickly. Then he said Bert and I should perform something. Somehow a circus got involved. Mom finish making the dress.

10 things I like about myself

This is going to be hard. How do you do this without sounding narcissistic?
1. my eyes
2. my hair (sometimes)
3. being observant
4. my weird sense of humor
5. my ability to make friends (not refined yet)
6. the resemblance between my dad and I (personality wise)
7. my artistic ability (from my mommy)
8. my patients
9. being a night person
10. my cooking ability

Papaw

I love ice cream. When I was really small my family lived with my grandparents. One of my first memories is coming home from church and my papaw taking out some ice cream and dishing it out for me and some of my other family. It was one of the only times we really sat next to each other. That sounds weird but usually me and the cousins would sit on the bar or down stairs and the adults would sit at the table. It was always nice to share a bowl with him. I wouldn't see him a lot. He always worked in his garden. In the mornings he would wake up with the sun and feed the cows and the horse and go to his vegetable garden. Around 5 he would come in and grandma would have a feast fit for an army ready for him and the grandsons. Sometime around 7 he would go to sleep and start the whole process again. He loved to sing. In the living room while us granddaughters watched TV he would come in and start singing hymes. He was an amazing man. He worked for over half of his life and retired to a farm. He was a devoted to God. Every Sunday and Wednesday he was there. When ever the doors were open, he was there. We weren't very close, but I do miss him.

Eli

So in Jonesboro there was a girl that went to the same congregation as us. She was Eli's age and were pretty good friends. I kind of expected them to start dating or something, but it never happened. Then Eli came back for his Spring Break and was constantly getting texts. On the first Saturday he was there he went upstairs and talked on his phone for about 4 hours. DURING A KENTUCKY BASKETBALL GAME AT THAT!!! It was so weird! Then he just kept texting. So I was near him and I saw something from the girl from Jonesboro. Monday Mom and E were working on our lawn and she started to tease him b/c he was just stopping and texting and then would start to work again and would repeat the process every 10 seconds or so. Finally I told her who I thought it was and she told me he might be talking to two different girls!! I have come to the conclusion that my brother is living a double life. The annoying part about all of this is that he keeps telling me how unobservant I am!!! I feel like telling him what I know, but he would probably kill me. I keep telling him I know more that what he thinks, but he doesn't believe me. Oy, Older brothers. They think they know everything. What they don't know is the last child does. lol jk